


Blue Jeans and Bumblebees

by smolfluffqueen



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bi Dean, M/M, Sam Ships It, cas has a bubble butt, dean is an ass man don't try to convince me otherwise, makeup!cas is my fave, pan cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-17
Updated: 2016-12-04
Packaged: 2018-08-09 11:12:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7799491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smolfluffqueen/pseuds/smolfluffqueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean definitely wasn't gay. He was happy the way he was: blissfully straight. Now, if Cas could stop wearing skinny jeans, he could actually start believing it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The One Where Dean Just Wants A Sandwich

**Author's Note:**

> I saw a tumblr post that mentioned Cas in jeans, but I had to take it extra far and put Cas is skinny jeans, just because I felt like torturing Dean. I may write another chapter to this if it's requested enough, idk. This is my first Destiel fanfiction, so I appreciate any criticism you guys have! Comments and Kudos are always nice ;).

Dean wasn't gay.

He  _wasn't._

He'd never been with a guy, ever, unless you counted the time he had to make out with a cop to allow Sam to break in and steal files. Which, _no_ , did  _not_ count, because it was for the  _mission_ , and the guy wasn't even a good kisser either- he used too much tongue.

Sam joked about it constantly, buying everything rainbow coloured he could get his gigantic hands on and annoying him with it. One time, he went into his bedroom to find that his comforter had been replaced with a rainbow one, along with matching pillowcases. Dean got him back by hiding Sam's 'Puppy of the month' calendar (sure, and  _he_  was the gay one) for a week.

Cas, the traitor, seemed to be on Sam's side most of the time. With him saying stuff like "Dean, I think going to the 'pride' Sam mentioned would be fun! Lions have always been my favorite of my father's creations." or "Dean, I do not understand why you would be angry over a blanket. It looks rather beautiful." 

So yeah, he didn't have much help.

He'd been straight for, well,  _forever_ , and he wasn't going to let anyone convince him otherwise, no matter how many rainbow items he found "innocently" around the buner. 

But then Cas started wearing skinny jeans, and it made it a lot harder to not be convinced.

Dean had had a nightmare, They were fairly common now, considering he had been to hell and back,  _literally_ , but he wasn't too concerned about it. As long as he was just dreaming about Sam being tortured, he was okay with it.

Dean threw off the -thankfully, plain- comforter and tugged on a shirt, craving a sandwich. He pulled himself out of bed and padded silently down the hallway, not expecting the light to be on already.

"Sam I thought I told you to stop eating my-" Dean said sleepily and rubbed his eyes.

"Hello, Dean." Dean's eyes snapped open to reveal Cas, who was wearing Dean's pink 'Kiss the Cook' apron and rolling dough with a rolling pin.

"Cas, what're you doing?" 

"I wanted to visit, but as you and Sam were sleeping, I decided to occupy myself." Cas placed the dough into the pie tin, and then began placing apples.

"So, to pass the time, you  _bake_?" Cas looked up at Dean, unaware of the fact that he had somehow gotten flour into his hair.

"I find that homemade food tastes better than food procured by grace."

Dean shrugged and walked over to the fridge, hoping that Sam hadn't used all of the lettuce. When he got his ingredients,  Dean started to make the sandwich, but realized he forgot the knife to cut the crusts off (yes, he was a man in his 30's cutting the crusts off of a sandwich, get over it.) so he turned around and went to walk behind Cas to get a knife from the drawer, but then he stopped. Cas had abandoned his trench coat and put on a button up shirt and jeans. Not any jeans, though, Cas had to put on  _skinny jeans_.

"Cas." Dean said slowly.

"Yes, Dean?"

"Why are you wearing skinny jeans?" Dean pointed at the offending pants, and Cas frowned.

"I went shopping with Sam last week, and he bought them for me. You don't like them?" Cas cocked his head at him, confused.

That  _bastard_. 

Dean had once (drunkenly) told Sam that "there's nothing better than a tight ass in skinny jeans, Sammy.  _Nothing."_ and of course, he coulsn't have expected his own brother not to use it against him.

Of course, there was the more realistic option of Sam buying Cas the jeans because Cas had liked them, but he chose to go with the former, because, c'mon, when has he  _ever_ been realistic?

"No, I like them, it's just unusual to see you outta the pants you usually wear." Dean explained, feeling more and more uncomfortable with this situation.

Cas went back to placing apples in the pie tin, and Dean grabbed the knife, eager to finish his sandwich and get out of the kitchen as fast as he could so he could block out this memory and never think about Cas in skinny jeans ever again.

Dean finished his sandwich and turned around just in time to see Cas bend over to open the oven to pull pots out of it.

Good  _God_ , why couldn't he just squat like a regular person?

Cas has a  _bubble butt_.

Now, we're not talking "Oh, Cas has an ass, he must have built up some muscle from training." Cas had a goddamn  _globe_ of an ass. It was like a work of art, it was one of those things that you stare at and get more mesmerized the longer you looked.

Honestly, he could probably bounce a dime off of it.

"Dean?"

Dean snapped out of it, only to see Cas waving a hand in front of his face.

"Huh?"

"You've been staring at me strangely for five minutes. Are you okay?" 

"Yeah, Cas, I'm fine." Dean shook his head, confused as to where those thoughts came from.

Cas, ever the mother hen, didn't believe him, so he placed a hand on his forehead.

"You seem to be a little warm, I'll-" Cas raised two fingers, but Dean caught Cas's wrist.

"Really, Cas, I'm fine."

Cas frowned, but before Dean could anything else, Cas was gone. 

Dean lowered his hand slowly, and put his head in his hands. 

Good God, what had he gotten himself into?

 


	2. Lip Gloss, Booty Shorts, and Sam Bears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Sorry I haven't updated this in a while, I needed a break from writing for a while, but I hope you guys like the chapter! Kudos and Comments are always appreciated! :)

Dean was officially having a crisis.

That is, a 'holy shit do I like guys' crisis.

He had spent an entire day crammed into his room, researching anything he could, frantically trying to find some evidence that proved that he was indeed, a straight man. But, to no avail, all he found was an assload of 'Straight Guy Turned Gay' porn and an article titled "What's wrong with me? I'm straight, but I can't stop sucking my friend's dick" well, hopefully, this situation would  _not_ involve porn, and he would stay as far away from Cas's..... _that_ as he could.

So, basically, Dean's plan was to ignore Cas, and therefore, make the problem disappear.

Operation "Keep Dean Far Away From Cas's Ass" was officially a go.

\--

Malls were strange, Cas decided.

It was very convenient to have several shops in one place, he supposed, but he couldn't get over the rentable toy cars, the giant cookies that were called "cookie cake" (cookies and cakes were two different things, didn't they know?), and the public massage stations.

However, Samuel had showed him a store where he could build his own stuffed animal, so he figured that they weren't without their merit.

He sensed that Samuel's patience was growing irritated as they entered the bunker. Maybe he should get his own stuffed animal, maybe that would make him feel better.

 

"But  _Sam,_ why is a water fountain not a regular fountain? I see no reason to specify what liquid pours out of it, especially since the large fountains also use water."

"Cas?"

"Yes?"

"Go ask Dean."

Cas set the bags down and walked down the stairs to Dean, who was sitting at the map table, reading a book.

"Dean."

\--

Dean had been sitting at the table, minding his own business, reading a book, unaware that the door to the bunker had been opened.

Dean jumped at the sound of Cas's voice, and swirled around to reveal Cas, who stood there in a black t-shirt (he had been looking for that shirt forever, but Cas could have it, that is, if he kept wearing it) fucking  _booty shorts_ , and bee print rain boots, while clutching a teddy bear that was wearing what looked like Sam's everyday outfit (flannel, flannel, more flannel, and jeans.)

Well, first of all,  _thighs._ At least with skinny jeans, he had been able to imagine that it was one of those pants that distributed fat or whatever, but now he had no choice but to be faced to the reality that Cas had thighs that he would  _happily_ go betw-

No! 

Hold yourself, together, man!

He's your friend, and you're  _straight_.

"Yes?" Dean said, his voice coming out as a higher octave than usual.

"Why are water fountains not called fountains?"

"Because they don't want to tell people 'go drink from the fountain' cause they know some idiot would lean down and drink out of the actual fountain instead of the other one."

Cas nodded, satisfied with this answer.

"Thank you, Dean."

Dean gulped, trying desperately to keep his eyes above crotch level, even though the sight of his stolen t-shirt stretched over Cas's rippling muscles, wasn't helping either.

Cas walked away, hips swaying, and Dean nearly cried.

Oh  _Jesus_ , what had he done to deserve this? Had it been the hookers?

Dean turned back to his book, desperate to distract himself from the sight of Cas in booty shorts.

This was going to be harder than he thought.

\--

Dean was very helpful.

He seemed to know the answer to everything human related (well, he  _was_ a human) and he had a sense of humor, even if Cas didn't always get the joke. 

If he had to choose a favorite human, it'd be Dean (Samuel was a close second, though.)

Although, Dean had been rather strange lately, blushing whenever he entered the room, giving him second glances, and running his tongue over his lips. Maybe his lips were chapped. Perhaps Samuel would be willing to go out and buy him some chapstick.

Or, maybe, he could share the bubblegum pink tinted lip gloss that Samuel had bought for him, winking at him and hinting that Dean would like it.

Cas pulled the tube out of his pocket (they were very small, but then again, the shorts were also small) ran it over his lips, and rubbed them together, just like Samuel had told him to.

Cas turned around and walked towards the map room, eager to show Dean, and perhaps have Dean use it, so he could be even prettier than he already was.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a feeling that Dean is definitely going to like Cas's lip gloss, even if he'd never admit it


	3. The One Where Sam Just Wants To Read And Cas Reads YA Novels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the last chapter of this fic, and I'm kind happy that it's done, even if it means that it's over. I'm thinking about doing a Sam oriented fic like this, so feel free to tell me what you think :)! Kudos and Comments are always appreciated!

This whole thing was Sam's fault, Dean decided.

It was just like his brother to purposefully buy Cas shit that he knew Dean would ,albeit silently, freak out over.

He really needed to stop talking to his brother.

First, it had been skinny jeans, which has been fine. Cas didn't exactly understand clothing, since he was, you know, a supernatural being that was about as tall as the Chrysler building. He had always been confused about why Dean and Sam changed their clothes every day, even after they had tried to explain that humans, unlike Angels, sweat and had B.O.

But then the booty shorts happened, and it all went to hell.

As if it couldn't get any worse, Cas now insisted on wearing bright pink lipgloss and booty shorts.

Fuck, Cas had totally made him realize how gay he was, and there was totally no going back.

Dean did some research on sexuality (inside a locked room, far, far, away from Sam) and, surprisingly, found out that there was a whole spectrum of sexuality, not just being gay or straight.

After a few hours of research (aka: taking quizzes, reevaluating his entire existence, and finding out what he felt) he had disobeyed that bisexuality was a thing, and that he could be attracted to both guys and girls, and for the first time in his life, Dean felt like he had a label that he felt completely comfortable with.  
\--  
Castiel sat in the library, reading a book, and utterly confused. Sam had taken the liberty to adding some more modern books, and even the genre of some of them confused him. What were Young Adult books, and did you have to be a teenager to read them? Were there book laws? Should he, a celestial being that pre dated the Gregorian calander, be reading a book about vampires?

Castiel thought this book (even the title confused him, the book was set mostly during the day, not twilight) was dangerous, because it portrayed vampires as beings that could fall in love, and it seemed to him like they should be destroyed, as the whole series was lies and vampire propaganda. 

Castiel turned a page, and he accidentally stumbled upon a (rather horribly written, in his opinion) sex scene. 

"Well, that's innapropriate." Had Gabriel writen this? Gabriel  seemed to think that badly written pornos were funny, so he was a suspect.

Castiel set down the book and picked up another one with a sigh. This one was titled "Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban" which he already discouraged. Whoever this 'Harry Potter' Was needed to learn not to consort with criminals.

He was only on the tenth page when Dean walked in, looking unusually distracted.

"Dean?" Dean jumped at the sound of his voice, startled.

"Y-yeah, Cas?" Dean stuttered, his cheeks tinging pink. Perhaps Dean had another fever.

"Are you well?" Castiel asked, worried.

"I'm fi-SHIT" Dean tried to lean on a bookcase mid sentence, but missed the bookcase entirely and went tumbling to the ground with a loud thud.

Castiel ran over, worried, to find an unconscious Dean.

"Dean?" Castiel asked loudly, but received no response.

Fortunately, Sam had what to do when there was an incapacitated person. Though, he had no use for this knowledge before his grace was stolen, he was grateful that he had remembered it.

Castiel lowered his head to Dean's chest, thankfully finding out that Dean was breathing.

But if he was breathing, what was he supposed to do?

Sam had only covered the Heimlich maneuver, which was useless, as Dean was not choking, and CPR, which was to be used when the person was not breathing.

Castiel hit Dean a few times, but to no avail.

Frustrated, Castiel started CPR anyways. Dean could stop breathing at any moment, in his state, and Castiel definitely wanted to avoid that situation.

After five chest compressions (he couldn't remember the exact number of compressions, but five seemed like a good number) he pushed his mouth onto Dean's.

This part always confused him, because how was kissing someone going to help them breathe? Maybe it was the shock.

\--  
Dean came back to consciousness slowly and opened his eyes.

What he expected was to be worried over, not for Cas to be _making out with him_.

Cas was actually a good kisser, situation aside.

"Dean?" Cas pulled back, worried.

Well, shit.

"Yes, Cas?" Cas's face was inches away from Dean's, and he could he see the smeared lipgloss shining on Cas's lips.

"I am happy that you are alive." Dean snorted at that, rolling his eyes.

"Me too, Cas."

Well, there was no time like the present, or whatever.

Dean pushed Cas's face down onto his, and kissed him, conscious, this time. Cas tasted like bubblegum and honey, and Dean never wanted to stop kissing him.

Cas pulled back, eyebrows furrowed with confusion. "This is kissing, is it not? This is how humans show affection, correct?"

Dean laughed at that. "Yes, Cas, this is kissing, and it's how we show affection for people we like."

Cas seemed to be even more confused by that answer.

"But you don't kiss Sam?"

"No, Cas, kissing is for like, people who like each other romantically."

"So you like me? Romantically, that is."

"Yes, you dipshit." Dean pulled Cas down for another kiss, and it felt he was floating.  
\--  
Sam was done with this teasing shit.

Honestly, he had tried his best to get Dean and Cas together, but it seemed like neither of them was going to admit it any time soon.

Sure, Sam was a pretty bad example for a straight guy, what with the whole Lucifer thing (he didn't have to choose such a hot vessel, what the fuck) and then the whole Gabriel thing (he had thought he was cute before he had killed his brother on a loop) but at least he admitted it.

Sam walked towards the library, hoping to find some information on a case. Dean had disappeared a while ago, so he assumed that he has locked himself in a closet, since that was his natural habitat.

Sam walked in the door, and was struck with the most gay shit he had seen ever.

Cas was in his booty shorts, a Led Zeppelin shirt that looked suspiciously like Dean's, and bee boots, straddling his idiot of a brother and making out with him like there was no tomorrow.

"What the _fuck_." Sam said, a little bit too loudly, causing Dean and Cas to jump apart and try to look presentable.

"Sam-" Dean started, but Sam interrupted him.

" _Goddamnit_ , do whatever shit you want, but not in the fucking library. It doesn't deserve this shit." Sam turned around and stormed out, case forgotten.

Well, at least they were together now and he didn't have to deal with the flirting and eye sex all the fucking time.

But still, he really didn't want to catch them making out (or worse) ever again. That shit scarred him for life.

Sam pulled his phone out of his phone, tapping the contact named "JODY". "Hey, Jody? It's Sam. You owe me ten bucks, they were making out in the library."

"Goddamnit, I was hoping they'd at least wait until next month." Jody said, disappointed.

"Well, the lipgloss and booty shorts seemed to speed up the process."

"Tell Cas to come over for dinner. I want to interrogate him."

"Yes ma'am." Sam laughed.

"Now, if only we could get you and-" Sam pressed the button labeled "END CALL"

Well, shit.

Things got a whole lot gayer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is so gay I vomited rainbows

**Author's Note:**

> my tumblr is kylo-trash-squad in case you wanna tell me how bad this is


End file.
